Fate.

It is a strong word, is it not? from my Compact Oxford English Dictionary, fate can mean the development of events outside a person's control, regarded as predetermined, or, the course or inevitable outcome of a person's life. so, basically, a short and simple way of defining fate; or the way we mostly think about it, is that fate is an event or something that happens which has been decided for us and will happen no matter what. at least, that is what i think of it.

When i wake up in the morning, feeling very much alive and breathing, i tend to think, i am still living. i have lived for 17 years. and about to welcome the new year, which will note to the 18th year of my very life. i am writing this on 31st December of 2010. i am going to take a driving test and create a driving license. i am about to be legally able to watch movies rated 18-and-above. well, i think some already have been doing all these things. sometimes, i even miss going to school. do you? i look at my uniform all white and ironed from before, but my life at school has ended quite a while ago, yet i cannot refrain myself from missing something that i, you could say, despise of quite a few times. do you believe in fate? i look back to our school and think, where will we go from here? where will we take off after SPM? will we meet each other again? will we hear of each other again? yes, well, fortunately, the present human society have every convenient means of connecting with our current or lost contacts by means of online communications, such as the popular Facebook. i mean, almost every teenager i know has an account. plus, even mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles. even 5-year-olds! but meeting or chatting away using a white, vacant and boring box in front of a glowing screen of eye-damaging substance and waiting for words to pop out is not and never will be the same as interacting live with your beloved classmates. i sit down and remember the past times of chatting nonsense and hearing frightful gossip with a circle of dependable and naughty peers. i miss the times when i hit them with a pen and laugh merrily at their spontaneous jokes and cruel mocking. yes, i am a bad teenager, if you think so. we were bad teenagers. i like to think the times when the class monitor, Jeremiah would dance spontaneously as if the teacher wasn't looking. i like it when the Chinese people in our class would talk aloud in their unique tongue even when most of us do not understand even a syllable of their talk. i miss the times when i shook my head disapprovingly in embarrassment at the guy jokes that my classmates make. i miss the times when we would talk just about anything at all, significant or not, whether the teacher may think it is 'bual kosong' or 'buang masa'. all these insignificant moments are what make missing memories.

Do you believe that fate will make us part? do you think that because of fate, we will forget? for me, i would forgive anyone that forgets me. i do not blame them, for i did not try to make such a big impression at school. besides, i am afraid that i might forget others, too, because i am a very, very, very forgetful person. i just hope, that all my classmates will always remain pure and true. please remember your virtues, wherever you may end up to from now on. i am saying this as a reminder for you as well as for me. i know that we will all be thrown to different places, where we might walk on its soil with confidence and new ambitions, or bow humbly with scared eyes and average expectations at familiar or unfamiliar places. i do not know whether this blog will ever be read again by our classmates, for it seems, to me, it is quite being left far behind.

May all the past times we spent in our lives with our beloved friends be cherished with a protective heart. the board or directors and i would like to wish all well and good luck on receiving our SPM results, may you all find bliss and success, and do keep a four-leaf clover in our pocket always with an outstanding ambition to succeed to go with it, throughout your blessed lives. i believe, fate and destiny is entirely in your very own frail hands.

Happy New Year, everybody.